roslisukri

The New Stock Market Terminology
These terms have been updated to fit today's times. I'm sure you guys will totally agree :

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER: What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.